see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
