Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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