Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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