she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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