i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
