Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
