She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
