dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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