I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
