Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
