Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
