Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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