we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
