I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
