38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to align my fucking chakras
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