When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
