that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I love you. Go after that dick
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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