My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
