i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How's work?
Spinning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
