i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
