You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im holly from the hills drunk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
