I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My bed smells like the plague
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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