the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
