Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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