last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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