I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
