I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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