My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
