If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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