stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
third nipple confirmed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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