you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
