Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
