Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
