the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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