you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
