I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
