just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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