i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
