Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sarcasm needs its own font
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
