I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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