No stitches, just platelets and will power
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
