I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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