Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
