Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
