all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
