omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
