I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
