I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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