better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
