Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
